I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i think my cat just said my name.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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