He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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