I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
