TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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