the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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