Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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