It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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