I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
