I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
