I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sext me about skeletons
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
