He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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