He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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