She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
