guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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