yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
