So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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