I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
