Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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