We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
