I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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