I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
