Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
