how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
