He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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