I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
