Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
