Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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