dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
