Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
