i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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