pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
