Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
