U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
