Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
