I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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