took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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