i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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