ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
