I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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