It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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