She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
