I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
