I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
