loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
