When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
