Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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