I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
