Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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