Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
