I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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